


it was never meant to be (why can't it be?)

by bruisedbutlovely



Series: bittersweet words // oneshots [9]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, It's not working, Karl Jacobs Needs a Hug, Karl Jacobs-centric, Major Character Death is Wilbur Soot, Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Memory Loss, Mentioned Alexis | Quackity, Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, No Dialogue, Not A Fix-It, Time Travel, Time Travelling Karl Jacobs, trying to make everything okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruisedbutlovely/pseuds/bruisedbutlovely
Summary: in which karl jacobs tries to save l'manburg and ends up losing himself.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Series: bittersweet words // oneshots [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160981
Comments: 12
Kudos: 150





	it was never meant to be (why can't it be?)

**Author's Note:**

> this hurts. i'm not gonna lie, this one hurts.

_ am i the villain in your history? _

_  
  
_

_ no….you’re not _

  
  


_ let’s be the v̵̢̙̙̲͓͖̠͈̖̱̘̉̅̑ǐ̵͓͙̿̉̉̓̏̏͂̃̌͛́̍̕l̷̙̝̪͕͎͚̣̥̅̇̽͗͊͛̆̾̀̕͠͝l̸̘̼̑̈̂̂a̶̡̧̧͈̳̘̲͖̰̬͐͘i̵̢̢͙̬̟̓͐͝͝n̶̲̖͙̍̽̅̋s̷̡̨͇͚̺̳̰̯̭͙͍̯̆̄̀̆̊̇̍͝ _

  
  
  


~~ i just want to go home ~~

  
  


~~ home? Do you even remember home?  ~~

  
  
  


Red and blue. 

Red and blue.

Red and blue. 

The fireworks were going off again, one after another like a loop that was endless, a circle with no beginning or end and a simple never ending road that no matter how far you walk takes you to the same place. 

You’re tired of walking and your boots are worn down.

he got you those boots, he said they looked good

~~ what’s his name? ~~

Karl pushed himself off the harsh stone, watching the TNT blow up one at a time in a chain reaction that cannot be stopped. His eyes were drawn to the button room where again, he saw Wilbur Soot die at the hands of his father, screaming for his own demise. The sword pierced straight through his chest and the blood was fresh.

This wasn’t the first time Karl saw Wilbur Soot die. 

But by now, he had lost track how many times he saw the very event happen. 

~~ one two three four five six ~~

He ran his hands through his hair, gripping and tugging because it didn’t work, it didn’t work, it didn’t work. Every plan was supposed to work and every plan was supposed to help and every plan was supposed to save the day like some superhero but they don’t save the day and the villains run rampant. Where were the heroes when the heroes are dead?

Maybe there were no heroes. 

~~ who wants to be a hero and lose everything  ~~

Tears were streaming down his face and he can’t breathe, why can’t he breathe. Maybe it was the ash that comes down like snow and if caught on your tongue, it burns and burns and burns. But maybe you want it to burn because then you would feel something and it would finally not be numb. 

He can see why people chase the high of cigarettes and the warmth of alcohol.

~~ you can’t tell when someone stabs you in the back if you’re numb ~~

Scrambling for the clock in his pocket, Karl tried to look at the clock through a sudden onslaught of tears that didn't seem to be stopping. The droplets splashed against the gold and the glass that covered the main components. He tried to turn back the clock again, tried to turn back time again but the knobs weren’t turning and Karl couldn’t see which way it was going. 

The clock slipped out of his hands and fell onto the stone, rolling away from Karl. But he doesn’t try to grab it, to try and stop it because it doesn’t matter anymore, nothing matters anymore and why can’t he realize that? 

~~ i’m not okay ~~

Karl can’t stop crying. That’s the first thing he realized. 

What if the tears never stop? What if, like L’Manburg, they were an endless loop that only seemed to tear him apart more and more and no matter how hard he tried to stop, to end it all, it just continues? Because oh, fate can’t be stopped and destiny will find its own ending and chance is simply impossible to predict. 

But god, does he try because what else is there to do but try and fix everything?

  
~~  
you can’t fix everything. that’s the first thing you should learn ~~

He just wanted his husbands to be happy. 

Was that too much to ask? 

If L’Manburg was never destroyed, Quackity would still have a home and a country to return to when Karl was out too late. He would be the secretary and he would be happy because that was all he wanted, some semblance of power in this country, in this server where power is shared between the same players. 

If L’Manburg was never destroyed, then Dream wouldn’t destroy new L’Manburg and wouldn’t force Sapnap to choose sides. It wouldn’t force Sapnap to abandon his oldest friend to do the right thing and it wouldn’t force him to start cutting ties that are older than some of the buildings on the server. 

Why couldn’t they just be happy?

~~  
  
i only forgive the world because it has you ~~

Karl reached for the clock again. He wiped his tears away. 

Their names were fading. 

Each time he went back, again and again, their names started to slip away more and more. Little details were the first to go and now, Karl can’t remember Sapnap’s favorite color or Quackity’s favorite jacket. Did Sapnap make the fire every night or was that Quackity? Who would sing to him when the moon was high? Who was always holding his hand?

  
  
Why can’t he remember? 

~~ stop before you forget forever ~~

The clock was cold in his hands and he wiped the water away. He traced the knobs with some sort of reverence but they seemed sharp, harsh, unsteady. 

He looked up and Wilbur Soot was dead in the button room. 

He turned the knobs of the clock three times. 

~~ what were their names again? ~~


End file.
